THE LIFESTYLE EDITION: DEFINITION GIRL BOSS, WHY IT NEEDS A NEW MEANING

Boss Bitch

Urban Dictionary:

A confident, successful and independent woman who speaks her mind and stands up for what she believes in. She keeps it 100% real with everyone, sets boundaries and isn’t afraid to go after what she wants. She is unique, courageous and fierce. Her dreams are big, but her ambition is bigger. She is an advocate for the empowerment of women and knows that a strong mindset and putting herself first is for the betterment of everyone and everything around her. Her positive energy, charisma and drive to succeed make her an influential leader, role model and mentor to other women. She is a force to be reckoned with! 

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I threw up this photo on the grid at the weekend and titled it BO$$ BITCH. To be honest, it was just a little tongue and cheek really. Wearing the biggest, chunkiest *heaviest* silver hoop earrings (an accessory just for the Insta) combined with my most ‘risky’ online outfit to date and a look, a stare that simply reads ‘I don’t give AF’. Truth being, I do give a fuck and I’ve been giving more fucks than ever these days. I guess a picture is worth a thousand words, is that what they say?

These terms, girl boss and boss bitch paint a misleading promotion, a message that you’re only achieving or thriving when you have your shit together 7 days a week, 24/7. Truth being, I know this isn’t the case for everyone and certainly not for myself. A few recent months ago I was barely coping. Rejected time after time by guys on dates, rocky roads ahead with friends, wobbles at work, piling on the pounds from a lack of visits to the gym. It was all happening at once and it was chipping away at my confidence bit by bit. Some days I would find myself hiding away in the toilets at work, holding back the tears. Hardly a girl boss attitude, right? But, I’m not a girl boss, I’m a human being and that means I have good days and bad days. This term, to me, is a set-up for instant failure. A mental state of mind that you should be smashing life at a hundred miles an hour and that if you’re not completing your never-ending, unrealistic, daily to do list then you’re simply not performing.

Photography: Elise Bloom

I’m incredibly guilty for giving myself a god damn hard time. I learnt this from my own mother. Hard-working, stubborn and independent. These traits have been handed down to me since birth. If I don’t complete everything at work, stay a little over time just to get ahead, boss the driving commute home and write at least two blog posts, edit a few photos for the next coming days, prepare my lunch for the next day, attempt some sort of evening fitness, wash my hair, put out my outfit for the next day, text friends and family and let myself enjoy a little netflix time, then I do feel disheartened, like I haven’t achieved enough that day. This is a twisted mindset because speaking honestly (as ever) I never, ever complete that checklist. Behind on the blog, eating packet noodles for dinner and walking into work with three-day-old unwashed hair seems to be the more likely story for me these days. I even recently went to work in my pajama top that I had slept in the night before. Didn’t even change that morning (I really hope my boss isn’t reading this). That’s how bad it got. I’m admitting this because I know that I’m not alone. So what did I do? I took a big, fat step back. I stripped back all of the pressure and simply kick started one.step.at.a.time. I know that life in it’s hectic ways can run away from us and it’s hard to catch up. I want to spin this term girl boss on it’s head. I want to tweak it’s meaning. I want everyone, girls, boys, to know that bossing life happens at your own pace. You can have ambition and drive. Finding your potential is another matter. This is where praise, old-school girl power and lifting one another comes into play. This is a healthy way to push one another to succeed. Push and not pressure. Start with the small steps.

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If you’ve only done one single thing on your to do list today then give yourself a pat on the back. Be soft with yourself, give yourself the credit you deserve. If you just simply made it out of bed today, on days when that’s really difficult to do, then to me, you’re bossing it because you’re trying. We need to be much kinder to ourselves. Life is more than a big house, an amazing career and lots of money in the bank. If you’ve achieved this and you’re working hard for it then amazing. If your goals right now are just coping on your own happiness one day to the next, then focus on that.

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