This blog post comes from my usual late night Sauvignon Blanc thoughts, a heart to heart if you like, or so it may seem. This post calls for some serious reflection. For me to confidently go full speed ahead into 2018 and tick off what’s left on the list, I think I really need to get a few things off my chest. Those things, being in relation to relationships, or the lack of them in my case!
‘THE ONLY PEOPLE UP AT
3am ARE IN LOVE, LONELY, DRUNK OR ALL THREE’
Give me any topic to talk about and off I go, easily, but when it comes to talking about my ‘love life’ if that’s what you want to label it, I shy away from it. I’ve thrown up the odd paragraph or nod to it. On the contrary, there’s little love to report here. Before you start to feel sorry for me, I’ve been happily and comfortably single by choice. Hurt before? Who hasn’t. Over it? Absolutely! Frightened of another relationship? Possibly. I’m not very good with ‘beginnings’. Admittedly, I have been single for a while and gladly so as I’ve had the time to focus on so much more than a boy. Then this year, more recently so the end half of the year, my thoughts, well they have changed. Declaring to my closest friends on a regular basis that I’m absolutely ‘fine’ without a man, to which they roll their eyes at me every time (rightly so) only to find that two glasses of wine down, a week later, I’m sobbing my heart out because I’ve been hurt by one.
Firstly to clear one thing up. Before we get into the details, the feelings (god, not the feelings). Robots we should be, or so I’m told, feelings are forbidden! From my experience, there seems to be a massive misconception about this whole ‘no strings’ approach to a relationship, or rather, a simple hook-up. Yep, I’m going there. Like I said, I’ve been single for a while now, single not celibate and so I really want to speak on behalf of the female population when I make it clear, crystal bloody clear, that we do not get hung up on sex. We get hung up on the bullshit that comes after it, or more often before it. If it’s just a hook-up then just be honest and direct. To us, it couldn’t be more simple! So, read that how you will and with that one out of the way, I’ll move onto the less blunt part of the blog post…
I’m an incredibly passionate person and I have always been a very confident person, in myself and my decisions. I think the reason why I find myself in such a predicament about what I do, or don’t want in this department is because I’ve been a little blindsighted. Society has held me back from being, when the moment is right, the hopeless romantic that I always used to be. It seems to me that girls of 2017 are made to feel like they have to be sexy, experimental, unattainable, care-free, aloof even, the need to keep our cool and be independent all at once. Up for the ride but without the thrill (or more terrifying from a male perspective, the emotion) that comes with it. I’m speaking really generally here for the ease of this blog post and only from my personal experiences (guys, I know some of you get this too) but it seems that the minute the word ‘relationship’ is put on the table, a girl instantly looses her sex appeal. Dare us to want to see that guy again and we’re labelled clingy. Dare us to want to indulge in conversation with him, besides just whipping our kit off and we get hit with the silent treatment. Since when did it become soooo ‘unsexy’ to date somebody, without games and with an open mind to where it all could head. As long as there is honesty involved, why is that such a problem? Because it seems that girls can’t possibly be confident about what they want from a guy and heaven forbid also be fun in the bedroom department. If she wants a relationship, she must be boring! I’m not quite sure how, or when it became one or the other?
I remember the way my Grandad always used to look at my Nanna, mainly with pure love, proud as punch that she was his but I always noticed that there was a vulnerability in her that he adored. He was so reassuring of every move she made. My grandad died eight years ago and I’ve never seen that look again, not between another couple. Obviously this is a much broader topic, comparing romance between generations has so much more depth to it. The distraction of social media has killed a lot of that sweet, genuine, real romance that we all witnessed between our grandparents.
I guess to sum it all up, it boils down to maturity. I turned 28 this year and it hit me like a sack of potatoes. I’m 28 and I’m so bored of this repetitive shit. Sick of the same old story, sick of the unimpressive and underwhelming DM’s and so sick of the ungentlemanly behavior of ghosting. I’ve been comparing my life to most of my friends who are now in relationships, most engaged, some with children. And then there’s me. On one hand still out on the tiles, enjoying the attention that I’ve been so used to enjoying and then more recently so on another hand, hoping for somebody to come along and change the perception of everything I have just spoken about. A really good friend of mine, who has so kindly listened to my back and forth thoughts on this, has patiently and repeatedly reassured me that when the time comes to hold up my hands and declare that I’m ready to embark on something that is more than ‘just casual’ that I shouldn’t be frightened, embarrassed or reluctant to admit this. Guys and girls, whatever we want from each other, let’s just agree to put the mind games aside. Let’s make 2018 the year of honesty and saying how we really feel!
Well, without spelling it out, I guess I just did! Form an orderly queue won’t you! (joke, obvz)